I’m not the type, and this usually isn’t the place, for personally revelatory observations. Beyond my stances on some controversial political subjects, most of my readers-outside of a small circle of friends-know very little about my interior life. That’s why this post is such a departure from this website’s usual fare. I intend to write about some of my health problems which have hobbled me recently. I hope our audience will indulge me, if only out of morbid curiosity.
Several months ago I noticed a grinding fatigue, which prompted me to seek medical attention. Over the past month this condition has worsened considerably, in addition to being augmented by several other very unpleasant symptoms, which doctors have explored and attempted to diagnose. So far, without any definitive judgment. Although it’s nice to have some diseases ruled out-especially ones from which other relatives have suffered in the past-winnowing the potential pool of illnesses from which I suffer has the corresponding effect of increasing my anxiety. I’m sure my fellow hypochondriacs can appreciate this dilemma.
I’m still investigating what’s wrong with me-beyond mounting despondency-because, is there really any alternative at this point? The process is much too drawn out for my tastes, but I’m undoubtedly in the same boat as scores of others, waiting nervously to discover why it feels like their bodies are rapidly falling apart. Over-dramatization (possibly?) aside, this experience has reinforced for me the notion that there are few things more important than one’s health. Even politics and culture, which have always fascinated me as an adult, are cast in a pall by my experiences over the past few months. Which isn’t to say that these things aren’t pivotal in some sense, having your sleep, diet, and general enjoyment of life depleted puts things into perspective, so to speak.
To use a hoary quote attributed to novelist James Lane Allen-if Google search hasn’t misled me, which it probably has-adversity does not build character, but reveals it. In this respect, I’ve been found wanting. The obsessive interest I have in my own difficulties hasn’t abated, and fortitude has definitely been in short supply. That said, the concern expressed by friends and family members has been welcome, as has the advice for mitigating some of the worst symptoms of my own making. For that, they deserve my gratitude.
In spite of my more dark imaginings, I honestly don’t know what the future holds. However, I’ll try to keep this online community apprised-as discretion permits-of what’s going on.