The man you see (indistinctly) in the photo above is Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus Vance Jr., who spoke before a packed crowd at the Women’s National Republican Club last night on a variety of subjects. Although the invitation I responded to billed the evening as a discussion of sanctuary cities, Vance did not address the topic until prompted by an audience member during the question and answer session, approximately 40 minutes or so after he began speaking.

I can’t say I was surprised by his reluctance to address the subject, despite its topicality. The New York County District Attorney’s office is charged with the prosecution of those who violate the laws of New York State. Those who violate federal law are prosecuted by the U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of New York-a point Mr. Vance emphasized when I pressed him on a recent decision to release a violent, self-declared member of MS-13 who was in this country illegally from prison.

That said, his office does occasionally come into contact with illegal immigrants through their encounters with the New York Police Department, which he implicitly acknowledged when he spoke of protecting the status of those who had been victims of crimes while residing in this country illegally. Putting aside the circular logic of this argument, i.e. aren’t predatory criminal aliens, such as the illegal day laborer who murdered acclaimed actress and director Adrienne Shelly, protected under the same umbrella sheltering domestic abuse victims, there is another objection to be raised. Namely, there is already a federal program, known as the U Visa, which ostensibly protects these individuals.

The idea that New York City needs to codify policy which directly conflicts with federal law in order to protect the safety of those in this country illegally is the height of absurdity. To the contrary, these directives actually imperil the lives and safety of those they ostensibly seek to protect-as well as the lives of American citizens-as those criminal aliens who abuse and terrorize their partners and children are given blanket immunity for crimes which would otherwise place them in the deportation pipeline and out of the reach of those whose lives they have destroyed. In fact, after Mr. Vance’s talk had concluded, a (legal) immigrant shared a personal anecdote with me about a hairdresser whose husband had attempted to suffocate her to death, but was allowed to remain in this country-illegally, naturally-even after being brought to the attention of the relevant authorities.

It should be said in Mr. Vance’s defense that he stated categorically that illegal aliens who had committed violent crimes should be deported, which is a far cry from Mayor De Blasio’s stance. However, it’s worth noting that the Manhattan DA is a political post, which is dependent upon the will of the voters, which in this case happened to be a group of New York Republicans. Just as his avowal of support for stop and frisk might have been downplayed before more progressive venues, it’s possible that he might have temporized even more on this subject if speaking to a group like the National Council of La Raza, or the Black, Puerto Rican, Hispanic & Asian Legislative Caucus.

Overall, the audience was surprisingly receptive to DA Vance’s message, which in retrospect probably shouldn’t have been that surprising. The Republican Party of New York City, but particularly the desiccated husk of a party which still exists in Manhattan, is run primarily by the Rockefeller and Lindsay Republicans who once exercised real power in this city and state. Adele Malpass, who delivered some introductory remarks before Cyrus Vance stepped up to the podium, praised the District Attorney’s efforts to kill a bill which would have prevented the arrest of innocent New Yorkers carrying gravity knives. I’m sure the GOP mainstay who asked him later in the evening what he was doing to crack down on gun dealers appreciated this bold stance against individual rights, but I was left rather unimpressed.

For what it’s worth, I thought the event was worthwhile, despite my many disagreements with Mr. Vance, including his apparent belief that compulsory voting, along the lines of Australia, could serve as a civic inducement. Having a public official willing to submit himself to cross-examination, however circumscribed, by the public is increasingly rare and worthy of praise. Hopefully, the officials responsible for some of the problems we encounter in this city on a daily basis will embrace this willingness to engage the public, but I won’t be holding my breath.

We learned of Nat Hentoff’s death last night from his son, who was the first to tweet this sad news to the rest of the world. You can read his full obituary in the New York Times, but I would suggest combing the Internet to read his words for yourself. Even though he was a product of a pre-Internet age, Hentoff deftly utilized the tools of the late 20th and 21st century to spread his message of individual liberty and the rule of law. A perfect example being this Web video from the Foundation for Individual Rights and Education, an organization committed to preserving free expression on college and university campuses across the country.

A fierce opponent of the past 3 occupants of the Oval Office, as well as Executive overreach in general, a man who refused to defend anti-white racism masquerading as diversity,  an idiosyncratic liberal turned libertarian-who defended the human rights of the unborn-and a lifelong advocate of the Bill of Rights, Nat Hentoff was a truly remarkable public figure. Like fellow civil liberties advocate Wendy Kaminer, he was a scathing critic of the synthetic liberals at the ACLU, who run what is essentially a left wing affinity group under the guise of defenders of the Constitution.

He was a unique man whose absence will be missed by all who cared about the fundamental freedoms enshrined in this nation’s cornerstone document. Even as progressives across the Western world silence our voices in order to placate the rainbow coalition, Hentoff bravely spoke out against the attempt to replace the 1st Amendment with sharia. He was a man from a different era, but one whose life should be a lesson for anyone hoping to preserve American freedoms into the 21st century. He will be missed.

It seems as if the alternative media has rallied around the flag, which in Hillary’s case was probably purchased by benefactors like Goldman Sachs and the Gulf Arab slave state of Qatar. After all, who can resist GIRL POWER, even if it’s marshaled on behalf of someone who’s spent much of her career destroying the reputations of Bill Clinton’s comfort women? To get a sense of the cognitive dissonance at work, it’s worth reading this week’s Village Voice, which all but admits its preferred candidate is an inveterate liar, albeit one who can answer that 3 A.M. call!

By the way, does anyone else recognize the absurdity of Clinton backers running a variation on an ad which was universally panned-from a race which she lost-in order to lambast the purported shortcomings of Donald Trump? If there are any calls being made to a Clinton White House after midnight, I’m almost certain they will be made at the behest of sleazy foreign donors who want a return on their investment. That is indeed the purpose of the single greatest legal money laundering scheme on the planet, one which would make even El Chapo green with envy.

With all her seemingly disqualifying character traits and extensive history of semi-criminal actions, not to mention, thralldom to corporate interests, you would expect sincere leftists to express some reservations about her candidacy. You would think that even those who believe her to be the best choice in a binary election have enough integrity to admit that she is a dreadful choice, one who cares not so much about being a progressive as the acquisition and retention of power. The problem is that that is what progressivism, at its core, has become. The Faustian bargain the left has made in this election involves sacrificing its purported principles, including its increasingly hypocritical rhetoric about the underclass, in order to achieve its immediate political aims, e.g. importing millions of immigrants from the third world, cauterizing the 1st and 2nd Amendment to the Constitution, and crushing any remaining opposition to the cultural domination of social progressivism.

Fortunately, there are a handful of leftists who have some degree of integrity, including Green Party presidential candidate Jill Stein, who was one of only public figures on the left to publicly admit that her Democratic opponent should have been indicted. Her honesty about the deficiencies of Hillary Clinton the candidate-as well as the human being-stand in stark contrast to the pathetic fealty liberal media outlets and talking heads have shown towards a woman who, were she a Republican, would probably be sitting in a federal penitentiary instead of seeking the most powerful office in the world.

Another voice remarkable for its clarity is incendiary cartoonist Ted Rall, who’s pointed out 3 of the biggest reasons why Hillary Clinton does not belong in the Oval Office. Although there are many, many more-including a capacity for deception that is boundless and a wholly repellent personality-the 3 enumerated by Rall should be of particular interest to liberals, who tout their intellectual superiority and routinely hector insufficiently feminist public actors. The fact that most are seemingly unconcerned with these very problematic issues makes one question their purported convictions.

Finally, Doug Henwood has published a book, My Turn: Hillary Clinton Targets The Presidency, which should be required reading for any leftist tempted to ignore the consequences of their alliance with the Clinton machine. It begins, appropriately enough, with an epigram by Brad DeLong describing Hillary’s most relevant Executive experience, i.e. her disastrous oversight of health care reform during the first year of the Clinton presidency. Although he has also been brought to heel, this is his description of HRC’s signature issue back then:

My two cents’ worth–and I think it is the two cents’ worth of everybody who worked for the Clinton Administration health care reform effort of 1993-1994–is that Hillary Rodham Clinton needs to be kept very far away from the White House for the rest of her life. Heading up health-care reform was the only major administrative job she has ever tried to do. And she was a complete flop at it. She had neither the grasp of policy substance, the managerial skills, nor the political smarts to do the job she was then given. And she wasn’t smart enough to realize that she was in over her head and had to get out of the Health Care Czar role quickly. 

“Hillary Rodham Clinton has already flopped as a senior administrative official in the executive branch–the equivalent of an Undersecretary. Perhaps she will make a good senator. But there is no reason to think that she would be anything but an abysmal president. 

To quote another former FLOTUS, Just Say No.

One of the benefits of living in New York City-a place which often feels like it was expressly designed to discourage your presence-is the seemingly endless opportunities to see amazing, live music acts. Just within the past decade I’ve had the chance to watch the New York Festival Orchestra perform a remarkable tribute to the victims of the 2011 Japanese earthquake, meet the Bangles at the Highline Ballroom, see a remarkable chamber orchestra at Lincoln Center, and attend concerts by groups and individual artists like Hello Seahorse, They Might Be Giants, Dramarama, Stevie Wonder, Los Lobos, Big Daddy Kane, Bad Religion, Beth Orton, and the Kronos Quartet. And, had I been able to, I would have seen the Pixies. All of these musicians-with a single exception-I watched perform without paying a cent.

Last night afforded me a similar opportunity, this time to watch ’80s icon Gary Numan perform Telekon in its entirety at Gramercy Theatre. Although his first two nights received mixed reviews, with the exception of one major cockup towards the end of his set the performance I took in was largely flawless from a technical standpoint. One of my takeaways from the concert was the extent to which it was an exhibition of technical prowess, which probably shouldn’t have been surprising coming from one of the pioneers of synth pop. His virtuosic employment of sound was something that I haven’t encountered among rock performers in my experience, and can only be compared to some classical musicians I’ve seen.

The use of lights, particularly their synchronization with his music, definitely enhanced the atmospherics of the evening. Even something as seemingly trivial as the merch booth highlight the importance of aesthetics to Gary Numan. From the t-shirts, to the tote bags, to the cover art of his vinyl records, the stylistic precision and uniqueness was striking. Not that these details are inconsequential to other musicians, but they seemed to be a reflection of his priorities as an artist. Not having any familiarity with his work-with the exception of his most famous single-this concert was an illuminating experience in many ways, but the visual nature of his peformance was something that stood out for me.

That said, I can’t honestly declare myself converted to Numan fandom. Or, as I call it, Numandom. Like Prince, I have an appreciation for his immense musical talent, skill, and workmanship, but for me music is an emotive, not intellectual, experience. It moves you on a gut level, providing catharsis of some kind. I never experienced that feeling over the course of my 2 hours at the Gramercy Theatre, even as I  developed a deeper appreciation for an artist whom I’d had only the vaguest impression of before this week.  For what it’s worth, one of my favorite artists-whose music probably moves me more than any other-is Joe Jackson, so I don’t think my reaction is born of a generational divide or a categorical hatred of ’80s/new wave. So in the final analysis, I have to give Gary Numan and his backing band credit for being extremely good musicians, who have inspired countless fans both here and throughout the globe.

Music is a universal language, but there are millions of dialects, most of which we’ll never become fluent in. I think Gary Numan falls under that category, unfortunately.

Update: More coverage, courtesy of The Silent Majority No More.

This photo of a bizarre mannequin hijabi was taken by intrepid citizen journalist Urban Infidel. In an update to a post made earlier this week, our good friend has provided us with a illuminating photo essay chronicling the next level weirdness that constitutes an annual event known as the Muslim Day Parade. Although the overt expressions of support for jihad were kept under wraps this year, ordinary patriotic citizens-or simply people who value such quaint ideas as sexual equality and political pluralism-can’t help but be repulsed by the display.

You can see the full slideshow on Urban Infidel’s Flickr account.

Summer is the season of big budget, blockbuster Hollywood releases. In the latest edition of Seavey/Perry, we explore some of the more ostentatious displays of film pyrotechnics. Enjoy. 

On this holiday, we would just like to extend our gratitude to all of our readers. For those of you who are still following American Rattlesnake, we give thanks. One thing we can all be thankful for is that Agent Jesus “Chito” Diaz is no longer separated from his family because of a manifestly unjust verdict. We join in the sentiments expressed by the Law Enforcement Officers Advocates Council, who’ve gone to great lengths to highlight the injustice perpetrated against Agent Diaz, as well as numerous other Border Patrol agents punished for executing their mission to defend this nation’s southern border.

We’d also like to extend our thoughts and prayers to the people of Staten Island, Queens, and Brooklyn who continue to suffer from the consequences of Hurricane Sandy. The Village Voice has published a wonderful piece which illustrates the power of people uniting to accomplish goals when large institutions have fallen short of the mark. Once again, here’s a list of local relief efforts you can join if in the charitable mood.

Finally, here are a set of links which explore the real meaning of Thanksgiving. First, a reflection we published last year about the contortions of American history open borders zealots employ in order to advance their narrative. Also, a meditation upon the all too often forgotten blessings of a free market economy which William Bradford and the Plymouth Colony were forced to learn through painful experience, courtesy of Paul Solman and the PBS Newshour.

Hopefully, you and your loved ones have much to be thankful for this season.

Understand that America is God’s Crucible, the great Melting-Pot where all the races of Europe are melting and re-forming! Here you stand, good folk, think I, when I see them at Ellis Island, here you stand in your fifty groups, your fifty languages, and histories, and your fifty blood hatreds and rivalries.

But you won’t be long like that, brothers, for these are the fires of God you’ve come to – these are fires of God. A fig for your feuds and vendettas! Germans and Frenchmen, Irishmen and Englishmen, Jews and Russians—into the Crucible with you all! God is making the American.

–The Melting Pot (1908)

The aftermath of Hurricane Sandy continues to inflict damage upon the Northeast, particularly the Tri-State Area. The communities of Breezy Point, and the Rockaways, as well as the coastal communities of the Jersey Shore bore the brunt of Sandy’s wrath-as we’ve detailed throughout this past week.. However, the devastation from this natural disaster, including the tragic deaths of nearly two dozen Staten Islanders and destruction of large parts of the barrier islands, has impacted the entire states of New York and New Jersey. Needless to say, our thoughts and prayers continue to be with those who suffered, and continue to suffer, as a result of this unprecedented natural disaster.

One of the sights and sounds we’ve become inured to over the past week is the routine press conferences held by local public officials. Particularly, the current mayor of New York City, Michael Bloomberg, who has used the platform of his office to do everything from dispense information about power outages, to order NBA Commissioner David Stern to call off the inaugural game of the Barclays Center, home to the Brooklyn Nets.

Mayor Bloomberg has also dispensed Spanish-language synopses of each address before the customary Q&A session with members of New York City’s press corps. While there has been much mockery of his stilted attempts at bilingualism, including a trenchant parody of the Mayor written by someone who goes by the online pseudonym El Bloombito, I think there is a much more substantive issue at stake than the Michael Bloomberg’s fluency en Espanol. Namely, the sort of ethno-linguistic fracturing and polarization that today’s modern species of politician excels at.

Undoubtedly, some see Mayor Bloomberg’s nasally stabs at communicating with monolingual, Hispanic New Yorkers as a commendable form of outreach to this city’s burgeoning Latino community. As an overture of friendship to disenfranchised citizens, legal permanent residents, or illegal aliens-of whom he’s so fond-who cannot comprehend this nation’s lingua franca. However, the truth is much more unsavory, and reflects the real priorities of Michael Bloomberg’s mayoralty.

This is a man whose primary political ambitions have not been eliminating public graft, political corruption, or blatant cronyism, nor improving the efficacy of public services, nor addressing our city’s dismal public education system, and certainly not relieving the burden upon middle class taxpayers. Rather, his focus has been on suppressing Americans’ right to keep and bear arms-while some of his own police officers smuggle stolen weapons-as well as crusading for the complete abolition of any immigration controls which still exist, in spite of the crimes, often heinous-sometimes lethal-illegal aliens inflict upon ordinary New Yorkers, and other Americans, each and every day.

Minimizing our common language  is simply of a piece with Mayor Bloomberg’s campaign to negate the essential characteristics we once shared as Americans. Communicating in Spanish is a transparently political ploy, not a sincere attempt to transmit vital information. There are already many Spanish-language television networks and radio stations which broadcast each address the mayor delivers, in its entirety, in Spanish.

Furthermore, this city has had a large Spanish-speaking population for the better part of a century-from the Dominican immigrants who came here at the turn of the last century  to the Puerto Rican transplants who came here after  Operation Bootstrap-yet despite this linguistic diversity, and the well known tendency of New York politicians to pander to various ethnic constituencies, no previous occupant of Gracie Mansion felt compelled to provide real-time translations of his press conferences in any other language.

What’s even more intriguing is that he doesn’t provide a precis of his speeches in languages other than Spanish, despite the fact that-as multiculturalists who oppose assimilation never tire of telling us-this city is a beautiful mosaic-some would liken it to the Tower of Babel-of foreign languages. There is no summary delivered in Korean, or Tagalog, Hebrew or Russian, although the way things are going, that might soon change. No press conference is interrupted in order to deliver remarks in Creole or Russian, despite the fact that many New Yorkers communicate in those tongues.

This lays bare the hypocrisy at the heart of the multicultural mindset and open borders dogma, which does not seek diversity so much as conformity. The tortured Spanish transliterations of Mike Bloomberg, like the Spanish stump speeches of Mit Romney’s son Craig, are calculated to appeal to a target demographic which the mainstream media, ethnic grievance industry, as well as its benefactors in office, have extolled as the only important slice of the American nation, whether it be in entertainment, employment, or political spoils.

Even though our dissatisfaction with Mayor Bloomberg’s mangled Spanish might seem like a petty quibble at a time like this, the persistent failure of bilingual education, which has squandered millions of dollars in New York City since its inception, demonstrates that there are consequences to this misguided policy, the worst born of them born by its intended beneficiaries.

Something to consider the next time El Bloombito decides to address the city’s press corps.

As I mentioned in my previous entry, I attended yesterday’s small, yet spirited, rally against the decision by the Board of Health-at Chairman Bloomberg’s urging-to prohibit the sale of sugary drinks above 16 ounces at restaurants and food carts throughout New York City. There were many civically-minded New Yorkers in the crowd-such as the man seen above-brought together by the capricious whims of our current mayor.

As you can see, the press was well represented, the ABC News reporter above being just one of many journalists eager to document an event that explores a number of important issues, e.g. class divisions, regulatory overreach, etc… The organizers of the rally no doubt attracted more coverage through the strategic deployment of creative graphics and clever slogans such as the fake Coca-Cola cup seen below, wielded by Staten Island libertarian activist Danny Panzella.

The reframing of a popular feminist trope used to defend abortion is particularly apt in this case, since Mayor Bloomberg has been one of the most vociferous defenders of abortion access-to the point of signing constitutionally dubious restrictions upon those exercising their 1st Amendment rights in opposition to abortion clinics-while seemingly taking the incongruous position that your caloric intake falls within the purview of municipal agencies.

The themes of freedom and individual choice were recurring elements throughout the day, expressed in several witty signs and placards.

Many of the demonstrators were anarcho-capitalists highlighting the deficiencies of man-made law that ostensibly relies upon the consent of the governed, but only in the most restrictive interpretation of that concept. The man below used the words of 19th century American philosopher Lysander Spooner to refute the pretensions of some conservatives and libertarians who claim that abiding by the Constitution will solve the Bloomberg problem, which ancaps believe is merely the manifestation of centuries of blind faith in an ideology that invests plenary civil and criminal authority in the hands of the state.

As I alluded to above, one of the attractions of this rally-at least, from the perspective of news media-was the innovative tactics organizers used in order to promote their belief in individual responsibility and autonomy. The sign below embodies some of this creativity, combining the image of one of this country’s founders with the immortal words of one of Mexico’s most popular lagers.

Several participants invoked the specter of the nanny state, which holds special resonance in a city governed by a man who seems to view his duty as micromanaging the personal lives of its 8 million inhabitants. A tendency that has not escaped the notice of consumer choice activists throughout the country.

One  demonstrator pointed out the joylessness of the eternal scold, inverting the slogan of an equally incompetent, pseudo-aristocratic liberal mayor from the 1970s.

Some protestors, of course, conveyed their message in a less indirect manner:

The speaker’s roster included a variety of activists from the liberty movement, including many of the individuals from Liberty HQ, which was responsible for planning the Million Gulp March. Zack Huff-seen below-delivered a brief overview of the goals of the protestors and the rationale for this demonstration.

Hamdan Azhar, a writer and statistician, used his platform to question the notion that addressing the “obesity epidemic” is the province of government bureaucrats. Asserting that freedom and health were not mutually incompatible concepts, he argued that Bloomberg’s crusade against large-sized, caffeinated soft drinks was merely another power grab intended to diminish the freedom exercised by citizens, not an altruistic attempt to make New Yorkers adopt a healthier lifestyle.

Many of the speakers, such as the one seen below, emphasized both the futility of Mayor Bloomberg’s endeavor-which, like the city’s exorbitant cigarette taxes, will merely make the acquisition of the demonized product more costly and inefficient-as well as the rank hypocrisy of his decision, which came on the heels of this administration’s celebration of Dunkin Donuts and commendation of the Nathan’s Hot Dog-Eating Contest. You would be hard-pressed to find a more fitting embodiment of the cardinal sin of gluttony than the orgy of food consumption which takes place in Coney Island on Independence Day every year.

Audrey Silk, the founder and chief spokeswoman for NYC C.L.A.S.H., Citizens Lobbying Against Smoker Harassment, a grassroots organization created in order to resist a raft of anti-smoking restrictions introduced during the reign of Rudolph Giuliani and expanded by the Bloomberg administration, linked the fight for food choice to the battle for the rights of the besieged minority of smokers in this city-the first victims of the pettifogging bureaucracy that has now set its sights on junk food enthusiasts.

Dan O’Connor, a libertarian congressional candidate from Manhattan, discussed the stop-and-frisk policy that has elicited strong criticism recently, linking it with other perceived invasions of privacy and property-the most pivotal among them being the Kelo decision by the Supreme Court, which severely abridged the 4th Amendment to the Constitution. Like others on stage Monday, he asked rhetorically, “where are rights derived from?” Although a seemingly simple question, it illustrates a philosophical concept that is fundamental to how civilization is ordered. While some-such as Michael Bloomberg-believe that rights are granted through the instruments of the state-and therefore, can be revoked or abrogated by the same institutions-the individuals gathered for the Million Gulp March believe that they are innate and immutable, and can not be circumscribed or voided by government martinets.

My good friend Jeff Charles Goolsby was one of the featured speakers at this event. He used the opportunity to relate a personal anecdote of his extreme weight loss, which was accomplished solely through personal initiative, absent prodding from any city, state or federal bureaucrat assigned the task of monitoring the body mass index of American citizens.

City Councilman Dan Halloran-currently running for Congress against Grace Meng in the borough of Queens-was also in attendance, along with two campaign workers who doubled as visual aides. He excoriated the Bloomberg administration for ignoring vital city services, e.g. sanitation, parks, etc., while finding new ways to tax and regulate overburdened New Yorkers.

One of the highlights of the event-at least, from my perspective-was a stem-winder delivered by Ron Paul HQ leader Nick Spanos-seen below. In a slightly meandering, arguably insane, yet ineluctably compelling and persuasive defense of individual rights and free will, he blasted the power-hungry interloper from Massachusetts. His speech ranged from the sense of hopelessness and despair engendered by decades of collectivism in East Germany, to the historical and economic preconditions for the American Revolution, to an historically dubious yet unquestionably entertaining tale recounting the events which led to the writing of the Star Spangled Banner. Rising to the peroration of his speech, Spanos glanced in the direction of City Hall and exclaimed, “I’LL DRINK DRAINO OUT OF GASOLINE CAN IF I WANT,” expressing the dedication to independent decision-making all of the liberty activists in attendance undoubtedly felt that day.

Writer and blogger Todd Seavey reflected the sentiments of many with his witty spin on an iconic quote by 17th century French mathematician and philosopher Rene Descartes, although not the pro-Bloomberg leftist who accused a speaker of being in the pay of soda lobbyists during the first hour of the event.

The Million Gulp March wound down as Nicholas Fury III, a folksier, more freedom-enamored version of Larry the Cable Guy, gave a speech that touched upon many of the themes expounded upon by earlier speakers. His exhortation to reassert our rights as Americans went over well with the resilient few who remained at City Hall Park to see this event to its conclusion.

Tina Downer, a Ron Paul supporter and libertarian activist from Staten Island, delivered a brief but powerful indictment of the Bloomberg administration, which is simply a local manifestation of the sort of abuse of power that is being exercised at all levels of government.

The rally for food/drink freedom ended with a stirring rendition of the Star Spangled Banner. If only this generation of politicians had the same reverence for civil liberties and rights as James Madison, perhaps we wouldn’t need to tell government bureaucrats to get their grimy paws off of our big gulps.